More Firsts

the overdose

We are getting close to the end of my story. This is the hardest part, but I have to share it. Here it goes.

At the end of my last post, I was playing drinking games and had just snorted a line of cocaine, my first (and last) drug ever.

I instantly felt awesome.

I felt happy and invincible, like I was the most beautiful and powerful person in the room. My alcoholic buzz was still there, but I also felt more clear-headed than before I snorted the line. I knew I was drunk, but I felt sober. I needed more alcohol and cocaine, and I needed it right then.

I chugged another drink and asked the guy with the drugs if he had any more. He laughed and warned me to slow down. But I was having too much fun. Is this fantastic feeling what I had been missing out on all these years? No wonder it seemed like everybody at school went to parties and drank and did drugs. At the moment I felt like it was the best thing ever.

The next part is a blur. I only remember flashes of things, and some of the memories still come back to me at random times even now.

I remember drinking more and snorting more cocaine. I remember the guy with the drugs whispering in my ear, asking if I wanted more. I remember him leading me upstairs to a bedroom, alone. I remember him on top of me, and I remember my clothes being off but not being quite sure how that had happened.

I had gotten so drunk and high that I had lost my virginity to a stranger and could barely even remember it.

The next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital.

I felt worse than I ever had in my life. My head felt like it was going to explode and my stomach felt empty and gnarled in knots. My nose and throat were burning, and between my legs hurt, too.

Someone at the party had called an ambulance because I had overdosed on cocaine.

The doctors pumped my stomach to get rid of the alcohol and had me hooked to an IV to get some fluids and vitamins in me. I felt terrible, but they assured me I was going to be okay. I had a flashback to the boy on top of me in the bedroom and panicked. I asked the doctors for a pregnancy and STD test, both of which thankfully came back negative.

But I will never get my virginity back. I don’t even know that boy’s name.

Below is a link to some information about drugs, alcohol, and sexual behavior in teens: